Stuck Waiting

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From Jesus Calling – Sarah Young

Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different. Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting that this is where I intend you to be. You will get through today one step, one moment at a time. Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting Me guide you through the many choices along your path…..you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up! Hope in Me, for you will again praise Me for the help of My Presence.

I’ve been struggling with being stuck in limbo lately.  There are things in my life that I am ready to move on from, but I haven’t been released from yet because other parties haven’t bothered to do what they need to do for my situation to be resolved.  And I don’t like the helpless feeling I get knowing that it is out of my hands.

Waiting on others to do their part is hard, especially when you are just ready to get on with it already.

I’ll be completely honest.  And I’ll warn you that this may not sound like something you thought you’d hear on a Christian blog.  But life is hard.  And things happen that you have no control over.  So:  The fact that I am still married to a man who walked out on me and betrayed me 8 months ago infuriates me, as does the fact that I seem to be the only person who cares that this is the case.  I’ve asked God many times why it just isn’t over already.  Why I can’t just be free, since he’s obviously living his life as if he were already single, and has been since the day he left?

And I am stuck here, knowing that I can’t go backward (nor do I want to), and that though God has brought great healing over the past 8 months, I also can’t completely move forward and get on with my life.

And I’m more than ready to leave the past behind and do that.

But right now, though I don’t have a husband, I am still legally married.  And I made vows to God – and to him – that I MUST honor until the day that is no longer the case.

Even while he isn’t.  Even while he has brought dishonor to both me and, especially, to God.

And that infuriates me.

It doesn’t anger me because I want to be free of my vows so I can do certain things.  It angers me because I am covenant-bound to a man who has broken covenant with me.  A man who willingly walked away from me, our child, our home, and our life – all of which were good – and destroyed himself and any testimony (albeit small) to run after garbage – dung – that the world offered to him.

And then it hits me.

And I can just picture God nodding and saying, “Mmmhmmm.  Bingo.”

Isn’t that just the same thing humanity has done I have done over – and over- and over – to Him?

Ouch.

He has promised me Himself. Himself.

HIM. SELF.

God says, “I AM – Yahweh, creator of the universe, eternal, everlasting, alpha and omega – give you ….. Me.

And I am awed and astounded.

Until something new and shiny comes along to catch my ADD attention, and off I go chasing after rabbits again.  Pursuing the creation instead of the Creator.

When will I learn that nothing I can pursue here – fleeting, temporary, fading, ending – will compare to pursuing HIM?

So maybe it’s not that I’m stuck after all.

Maybe it’s that He’s holding me still to protect me from running after something else too quickly instead of seeking His face.

Psalm 27

My Stronghold

Davidic.

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
whom should I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom should I be afraid?
When evildoers came against me to devour my flesh,
my foes and my enemies stumbled and fell.
Though an army deploys against me,
my heart is not afraid;
though a war breaks out against me,
still I am confident.

I have asked one thing from the Lord;
it is what I desire:
to dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
gazing on the beauty of the Lord
and seeking Him in His temple.
For He will conceal me in His shelter
in the day of adversity;
He will hide me under the cover of His tent;
He will set me high on a rock.
Then my head will be high
above my enemies around me;
I will offer sacrifices in His tent with shouts of joy.
I will sing and make music to the Lord.

Lord, hear my voice when I call;
be gracious to me and answer me.
My heart says this about You,
“You[a] are to seek My face.”
Lord, I will seek Your face.
Do not hide Your face from me;
do not turn Your servant away in anger.
You have been my helper;
do not leave me or abandon me,
God of my salvation.
10 Even if my father and mother abandon me,
the Lord cares for me.

11 Because of my adversaries,
show me Your way, Lord,
and lead me on a level path.
12 Do not give me over to the will of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing violence.

13 I am certain that I will see the Lord’s goodness
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong[b] and courageous.
Wait for the Lord.

 
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2 thoughts on “Stuck Waiting

  1. Pingback: What I’m Giving Up for Lent « Pilgrim Wanderings

  2. Pingback: Trust and Patience in the Waiting « Pilgrim Wanderings

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