From Jesus Calling – Sarah Young
Make friends with the problems in your life. Though many things feel random and wrong, remember that I am sovereign over everything. I can fit everything into a pattern for good, but only to the extent that you trust Me…. The choice is up to you, and you will have to choose many times each day whether to trust Me or defy Me…. The best way to befriend your problems is to thank Me for them. This simple act opens your mind to the possibility of benefits flowing from your difficulties…. I will not necessarily remove your problems, but My wisdom is sufficient to bring good out of every one of them.
Frustration has been mounting lately. Frustration at the lack of resolution to situations I never planned on or thought I would face. Frustration at the complete and utter “couldn’t care less” attitude of people standing in the way of resolution – and me being able to move on with my life – just because they don’t feel the need to make the time or effort to finish what THEY started in the first place. I’m ready to be free, and I’ve even begun pushing forward to try to make things – something – anything – happen.
It’s so hard to know when to sit still and when to move. But time is running out, and there are things that I need to do that I won’t be able to until I am “officially” single, even though I have been unofficially single since last May. And did I mention I was frustrated? And, quite frankly, growing angry at the passive-aggressive-I’ll-show-you-who’s-in-control-by-not-doing-anything-to-finalize-our-divorce-so-you-can-move-on-while-I-do-whatever-the-heck-I-want attitude I’ve been on the receiving end of for almost a year.
I’m frustrated. And tired of the situation. And the disrespect. To me. To our marriage.
Can I be real?
I’m sick and tired of being married to a man who has been committing adultery for over a year. And flaunting it.
And I’m ready to not be nice right back.
And then God drops an anvil on my head again. Or several of them.
Yesterday, I got this devotional from Proverbs 31 in my email:
“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14 (NLT)
If we allow it, our waiting will bring us to an intimate knowledge of God that we would not otherwise have. Most of David’s beautiful and poetic psalms were written while in caves, caverns, and the wilderness, waiting on God.
God does not ignore the cries of His children. David cried and begged God for help, intervention, and defense. God never let David down.
Our waiting has a purpose for someone other that ourselves. It’s not all about us. Just think of how rich our lives are today because of the wait David endured. We have the comfort, compassion, hope, and healing of the Psalms.
What awesome instructions David’s life gives for waiting! Waiting is less difficult and the future is brighter when we let God do His work in our waiting season. When we let our guard and defenses down, we’re open to seeing how faithful He is to bring His plans for our lives to fullness.
And He reminded me of the many, many blessings that I have received because of the length of time this has gone on.
My first response to waiting is usually to complain or become angry, especially since I feel like I am suffering needlessly at the hands of someone else due to his sin and selfish choices. I am eager to move forward and leave the past behind, and I can’t because I have yet to be freed from my bond to one who has broken his bond and covenant with me. I want to view this waiting as a good thing, since I have had to make decisions extremely slowly, and have had a lot of time to work on me and my strengthening my relationship with God first, so that I can then have healthy, strong relationships with others second.
I think there is both the potential to grow closer to God as I wait and also the danger of drifting further away. Initially, I grew incredibly closer to God because of the heartache and pain I was experiencing. Now that I am ready and eager to move forward, though, I am frustrated that He will not release me from this bondage that I am in. I need to be proactive about trusting in His timing, while at the same time trying to prayerfully move forward toward a resolution while looking to Him for guidance.
Then, a second anvil hit today when I got this Proverbs 31 devotional in my email:
And I wanted to email this woman and ask her how she crawled into my head, because that was just freaky how she knew EXACTLY what I had experienced over the last year.
Ordeals, hardships, distresses are permitted by God for our perfection. Either He permits them or He plans them. If God has intentionally laid out a troublesome path for us, He has a purpose. But it’s not always about us. God might place pain, suffering or distraction on our path to teach others about His love, steadfastness, and mercies. The way we react to stress reflects what we believe about God, and allows others to see His faithfulness.”
Either God sent it or He allowed it.
There is a purpose to this. I think I know part of it right now, but I don’t know all of the reasons. I just have to trust that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a future and a hope.
I’m trusting nothing I’ve gone through has been in vain, and also praying I’m close to the end of my path.
“Nothing compares to knowing and trusting the Lord is in control … especially when everything around me feels unstable. He won’t permit or plan something difficult for us to walk through without having a greater purpose behind it. One that will make us holier, more like Him, and shine His glory. Our experience is not in vain!”
My 1000 Gifts in 2013 61. Lunch and The Music Man with a friend 62. Funny movies 63. Kindred spirits 64. Sales at Barnes & Noble 65. My kid cooking dinner for me 66. Coffee and creamer. Lots and lots of creamer. 67. Jeremy Camp CDs 68. New Audio Adrenaline music 69. WinterJam 70. Lunch with a friend during the work day. WHAAAAAT?! 71. My kid passing his driving permit test and having a successful first driving lesson 72. Ballad of Serenity 73. Facebook chats 74. Kindred spirits 75. Unexpected bonus at work 76. Paying off a credit card bill 77. Church league volleyball 78. A quiet night in 79. Pretty snow falling (but thankfully not sticking) 80. Fantastic night of movies, food, and hanging out with a great friend 81. Tiramisu 82. Shrimp 83. Fluffy new pillows for my bed 84. Fluffy new floor pillows that I ended up getting BOGO because the price rang up wrong. SCORE! 85. Home group 86. Pancakes and bacon 87. Men who are willing to unselfishly sacrifice for their kids 88. New CDs 89. Being trusted to borrow a friend’s treasured book 90. Possibilities